Shipulski On Design

Archive for the ‘Trust’ Category

Credibility built – when the situation is not good, you say “the situation is not good.”  And when things went poorly you say “things went poorly.”

Trust built – when things go well you give away the credit.

Credibility built – when you provide a controversial perspective and three years later it turns out you were right.

Trust built – when you share your frustrations in confidence.

Credibility built – when you ground your argument in facts, especially inconvenient ones.

Trust built – when you say “I will keep that in confidence” and you do.

Credibility built – when you don’t know, you say “I don’t know.”

Trust built – when you do something that benefits others but comes at your own expense.

Credibility destroyed – when you tell people things are one way when they know it’s the other.

Trust destroyed – when you respond from a hardened heart.

Credibility destroyed – when you tell partial truths.

Trust destroyed – when you avoid doing the right thing.

Credibility and trust are a powerful one-two punch, but only if you build them.

Image credit — _Veit_

Strivers do what’s best for them.

Thrivers do what’s right.

Strivers want more.

Thrivers want what they have.

Strivers can’t push back on people that are higher on the org chart or disagree with them.

Thrivers push back and disagree regardless of the org chart.

Strivers trade promotions for family.

Thrivers put family first – no exceptions.

Strivers are less than forthcoming to avoid conflict.

Thrivers put it straight over the plate to create the right conflict.

Strivers get led around by the nose.

Thrivers will punch you in the nose when you deserve it.

Strivers don’t have time for trust.

Thrivers put trust ahead of all things.

Strivers do the wrong things that come at your expense.

Thrivers do the right things that come at their expense.

Strivers step on your head.

Thrivers put you on their shoulders.

Strivers create headwinds to slow their peers.

Thrivers create tailwinds for all.

Strivers are afraid of thrivers because they cannot manipulate thrivers.

Thrivers don’t like strivers because they manipulate.

Strivers use the formal organizational structure to exert power.

Thrivers use their informal networks to make the right things happen.

Strivers blame.

Thrivers make it right.

Strivers are forgotten.

Thrivers are remembered.

Will you be forgotten or remembered?

With projects, there is no partial credit.  They’re done or they’re not.

Solve the toughest problems first.  When do you want to learn the problem is not solvable?

Sometimes slower is faster.

Problems aren’t problems until you realize you have them.  Before that, they’re problematic.

If you can’t put it on one page, you don’t understand it. Or, it’s complex.

Take small bites.  And if that doesn’t work, take smaller bites.

To get more projects done, do fewer of them.

Say no.

Stop starting and start finishing.

Effectiveness over efficiency. It’s no good to do the wrong thing efficiently.

Function first, no exceptions. It doesn’t matter if it’s cheaper to build if it doesn’t work.

No sizzle, no sale.

And customers are the ones who decide if the sizzle is sufficient.

Solve a customer’s problem before solving your own.

Design it, break it, and fix it until you run out of time.  Then launch it.

Make the old one better than the new one.

Test the old one to set the goal. Test the new one the same way to make sure it’s better.

Obsolete your best work before someone else does.

People grow when you create the conditions for their growth.

If you tell people what to do and how to do it, you’ll get to eat your lunch by yourself every day.

Give people the tools, time, training, and a teacher.  And get out of the way.

If you’ve done it before, teach someone else to do it.

Done right, mentoring is good for the mentor, the mentee, and the bottom line.

When in doubt, help people.

Trust is all-powerful.

Whatever business you’re in, you’re in the people business.

Image credit — Hartwig HKD

The time to start getting ready is before we need to be.

We don’t get ready because the problem hasn’t yet kicked us in the head.  It has only started getting ready to do so.

We don’t get ready because we don’t see the early warning signs.  Like the meteorologist who doesn’t make time to look at the radar and satellite images, if we don’t look, we can’t see.  And if we’re really busy, we don’t make time to look.  What if it was part of our job to look at the satellite images? Who in our company should have that job?

We don’t get ready because we don’t heed the early warning signs. Seeing the warning signs is much different than justifying the reallocation of resources because someone says the tea leaves suggest an impending problem.

We will solve no problem until it’s too late to do anything else.

We don’t get ready because we forget that it takes time to get ready.  We do so little getting ready, we’re unfamiliar with the work content and timeline of getting ready.  We forget that getting ready is on the critical path of problem-solving.

We don’t get ready because everyone is fully booked and we have no excess capacity to allocate to getting ready.  And by the time we free up the resources to get ready (if we can do that at all), we miss the window of opportunity to get ready.

We will solve a problem only after exhausting all other possibilities.

We don’t get ready because the problem is someone else’s.  If we don’t have capacity to get ourselves ready for our problems why would we allocate the capacity to get ready for someone else’s?

We don’t get ready because we try to give our problem to someone else.  Isn’t it easier to convince someone else to get ready than to do the getting ready ourselves?

We will solve no problem until we know we’ll get the credit.

We don’t get ready because problem avoidance won’t get us promoted, though putting out a fire that could have been avoided will.

If a problem is avoided, there is no problem. And since there’s no problem, there’s no need to avoid it.

We don’t get ready because there’s no certainty a problem will be a problem until we have it.  And we can’t get ready to solve a problem once we have it.  Getting ready requires judgment and trust – judgment by the person who sees the early warning signs and trust by the person who allocates the resources.  It’s that simple.

Because we’ve conditioned people to be afraid to use their judgment, they don’t use it.  And because we’ve conditioned people to be afraid to spend the time needed to build trust, they don’t build it.

Now that we have these two problems, how can we make it safe for people to use their judgment and spend the time needed to develop trust?

Image credit — Leonard J Matthews

If something’s in the way, call it by name and move it out of the way.

If that something is a technical problem, figure out what’s blocking the solution and move it out of the way.

If that something is a person, try to understand what’s motivating their blocking action.  Don’t call their behavior a “blocking action” but try to understand what’s behind their behavior.  Help them understand what they are putting in the way and why they might be behaving as they are.  And once you both understand their behavior, help them see how their behavior is negatively impacting them.  Usually, that’s enough to break the impasse.

If that something that’s in the way is you, pretend you’re someone else and do the same thing.  Have a conversation with yourself.  Ask yourself what motivates the blocking behavior and then listen.  Believe it or not, if you calm your mind and body, you will hear a reply to your question and learn what’s behind the blocking behavior. If it’s fear of failure, a quiet voice will tell you it doesn’t want to feel the emotional pain or the judgment around failure. If it’s fear of success, a different voice will tell you it doesn’t believe it’s worthy of success or doesn’t think highly enough of itself to give things a try.  If it’s fear of confrontation, a part of you will tell you it’s not confident and it doesn’t want to be judged negatively.  Next, it’s time to fight the aversion to uncomfortable thoughts and get curious.

Feel the discomfort around the fear of failure in your body.  Don’t judge it negatively, just feel it. And get curious about the reason behind the fear of failure.  If you listen, it will likely tell you the reason for the discomfort.  Ask it what it’s afraid would happen if it moved that reason out of the way. Usually, there’s a realization that nothing bad would happen if the blocking action was unblocked and it can be moved out of the way.

Whether it’s the fear of success or the fear of confrontation, the process is the same.  Feel the sensations in your body (without judging) and get curious.  Ask the voice what it’s afraid would happen if it stopped putting something in the way.  And if you can refrain from judgment, the voice will tell you what needs to be moved out of the way so progress can be made.

The process I describe above is based on Internal Family Systems (IFS).  I have found it useful to understand the rationale behind my behavior and help myself make progress.

I hope you find it useful.

Image credit — Joachim Dobler

When your friend is having a bad time of it, you don’t criticize, you empathize.

When you think of your friend, you check in.

When your friend is happy, you are happy with them.

When your friend is lonely, you don’t ignore, you are right there with them.

When your friend is struggling, you check in more frequently.

When your friend is in a rut, you jump in with them and give them what you can.

When your friend makes a mistake, you don’t judge, you seek to understand.

When your friend achieves their goal, you celebrate with them.

When your friend is angry, you ask of their heart’s best intention.

When your friend is confused, you tell them they seem confused and ask what’s going on.

When your friend judges themself, you tell them they are worthy of better treatment.

It’s easy to treat our friends well because we care about them.

May we learn to see ourselves as friends and make it easier to care for ourselves and treat ourselves well.

Image credit — Fuschia Foot

I was invited to an important meeting.  Here’s how it went.

I was invited to an important meeting.  I want you to attend with me.

I was invited to an important meeting with my boss.  Will you join me?

I was invited to an important meeting but I cannot attend.  Will you go in my place?

I was invited to an important meeting but the company will be better served if you attend.

I heard you were invited to the meeting instead of me.  I think that’s great.

Here’s a presentation I put together.  I want to explain it to you.

Here’s a presentation I put together.  What does it say to you?

Here’s a presentation I put together.  What’s missing?

I want you to create a draft of a presentation which we’ll review together.

I want you to create the presentation.  I’ll review it if you want.

I want you to create the presentation and deliver it.

I heard you helped someone create an interesting presentation and it went over well.  I’m happy you did that.

This is the situation and this is what I want you to do.

This is the situation and this is what I think we should do.  What do you think?

This is the situation. What do you think we should do?

This is the situation.  What are you going to do?

What’s the situation?

What’s the situation and what will you do?

What was the situation and what did you do?

I heard you helped someone with their situation.  That made me smile.

Image credit — Bastian_Schmidt

When you want to make a difference, put your whole self out there.

When you want to make a difference, tell your truth.

When you want to make a difference, invest in people.

When you want to make a difference, play the long game.

When you want to make a difference, do your homework.

When you want to make a difference, buy lunch.

When you want to make a difference, let others in.

When you want to make a difference, be real.

When you want to make a difference, listen.

When you want to make a difference, choose a side.

When you want to make a difference, don’t take things personally.

When you want to make a difference, confide in others.

When you want to make a difference, send a text out of the blue.

And when you want to make a difference for yourself, make a difference for others.

Image credit – Tambako The Jaguar

What does your team do when you’re not there?  Do they make decisions or wait for you to come back so you can make them?

If your team makes an important decision while you’re out of the office, do you support or criticize them? Which response helps them stand taller? Which is most beneficial to the longevity of the company?

If other teams see your team make decisions while you are on vacation, doesn’t that make it easier for those other teams to use their good judgment when their leader is on vacation?

If a team waits for their leader to return before making a decision, doesn’t that slow progress?  Isn’t progress what companies are all about?

When you’re not in the office, does the organization reach out directly to your team directly? Or do they wait until they can ask your permission?  If they don’t reach out directly, isn’t that a reflection on you as the leader? Is your leadership helping or hindering progress?  How about the professional growth of your team members?

Does your team know you want them to make decisions and use their best judgment? If not, tell them.  Does the company know you want them to reach out directly to the subject matter experts on your team? If not, tell them.

If you want your company to make progress, create the causes and conditions for good decisions to be made without you.

Image credit – Conall

When you notice someone having a difficult time, take the time to check in with them.  An in-person “Are you okay?” is probably the best way, but a phone call, text, or video chat will also do nicely.

When you’re having a difficult time, when someone notices and checks in you feel a little better.

When someone reacts in an outsized way, use that as a signal to check in with them.  Your check-in can help them realize their reaction was outsized, as they may not know.  It’s likely a deeper conversation will emerge naturally.  This is not a time to chastise or judge, rather it’s a time to show them you care.  An in-person “You got a minute?” followed by a kind “Are you doing okay?” work well in this situation.  But a phone call or text message can also be effective.  The most important thing, though, is you make the time to check in.

When you check in, you make a difference in people’s lives.  And they remember.

Is a simple check-in really that powerful?  Yes. Does it really make a difference?  Yes. But don’t take my word for it.  Run the experiment for yourself.  Here’s the experimental protocol.

1. Pay attention.
2. Look for people who are having a difficult time or people whose behavior is different than usual.
3. When you notice the behavior of (2), make a note to yourself and give yourself the action item to check in.
4. As soon as you can, check in with them. Do it in person, if possible.  If you cannot, call them on the phone or send them a text.  Email is too impersonal. Don’t use it.
   1. To initiate the check-in, use the “You got a minute?” and “Are you doing okay?” language. Keep it simple.
   2. After using the language of (4.1), listen to them. No need to fix anything.  Just listen.  They don’t want to be fixed; they want to be heard.
5. Enjoy the good feeling that comes from checking in.
6. Repeat 1-5, as needed.

After running the experiment, I think you’ll learn that checking in is powerful and helps both parties feel better.  And the more you run the experiment (demonstrate the behavior), the more likely it will spread.

And, just maybe, at some point down the road, someone may reach out to you and ask “You got a minute?” and “Are you doing okay?”.

Image credit — Funk Dooby

If you always want to be right, it’s time to ask new questions.

If you want to listen well, don’t talk.

If you want to start something new, stop something old.

If you want to do it again for the third time. give someone else a chance.

If you want it to be perfect, you don’t want to finish.

If you want to do something new, be unsure about what to do next.

If you want to hold tightly to things as they are, all you get are rope burns.

If you want to teach, find a student.

If you want someone’s trust, earn it.

If you want all the credit, you’re fast becoming a team of one.

If you want the Universe to change, don’t.

If you want to earn trust, tell the truth.

If you want good friends, be one.

Image credit — Sowhuan