Shipulski On Design

Archive for the ‘Seeing Things As They Are’ Category

Great coaches invest. They’re all-in. It’s that simple. They know what you need and give it you. No need to ask. (And that’s best because often you don’t want it.) Great coaching is like medicine – tastes like crap and three years later you feel better.

Great coaches are grounded in the reality of doing. They believe in sweat, struggle, and pain. They’re all about doing.

Great coaches don’t give options when options are not best. Sure, they know there are options, but they know they’re not for you. Great coaches take control of your best interests until you’re ready. One day at high school track practice my coach told me I was the anchor leg for the mile relay. (I didn’t know I was on the ballot.) He looked me in the eye and said – “There’s only one rule to running last – don’t let anyone pass you.” For the remaining three years of my career I never did.

Great coaches coach everyone differently. Sure they work within their framework, but the coaching is designed to fit you, not them.

Great coaches push down hard to get you to stand taller. At baseball practice one hot summer afternoon (I was sixteen) my coach had us run repeatedly on and off the field to make sure we did it right. (He believed in practicing all facets of the game.) For the first five times, or so, I ran. Most jogged, but I ran. (I always hustled.) But, on the next one I jogged. Loudly, forcefully, angrily, in front of everyone, he said, “What the hell is going on? We’ve been playing like crap lately and now our best play is jogging off the field. What the hell is going on? We’re going to do it again because he jogged.” He gave me what I needed – his medicine fit and I stood taller. (Over our six years together that was the only time he yelled about my behavior.)

Great coaches are great because they always tell the truth. Great coaches are great because they invest.

Seeing things as they are takes skill, but doing something about it takes courage. Want an example? Check out movie The Sixth Sense directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

At the start of the film Dr. Malcolm Crowe, esteemed child psychologist, returns home with his wife to find his former patient, Vincent Grey, waiting for him. Grey accuses Crowe of failing him and shoots Crowe in the lower abdomen, then shoots himself.

Cut to a scene three months later where Crowe councils Cole Sear, a troubled, isolated nine year old. Over time, Crowe gains the boy’s trust. The boy ultimately confides in Crow telling him he “Sees dead people that walk around like regular people.” (Talk about seeing things as they are.) Later in the film the boy confides in his mother telling her what he sees. Understandably, his mother does not believe him. But imagine his pain when, after sharing his disturbing reality, his only parent does not support him. (And we get upset when co-workers don’t support our somewhat off-axis realities.) And imagine his courage to move forward.

It takes level 5 courage for him to talk about such a disturbing reality, but Cole Sear is up to the challenge. He so badly wants to change his situation, to shape his future, he does what it takes. Not just talk, but actions. He defines his new future and defines the path to get there. He defines his fears and decides to work through them to create his new future where he is no longer afraid of the dead who seek him out. He changes his go-forward behavior. Instead of hiding, he talks with the dead, understands what they want from him, and helps them. He walks the path.

Ultimately he creates a future that works for him. He convinces his mom that his reality is real; she believes him and supports him and his reality. (That’s what we all want, isn’t it?) His relationships with the dead are non-confrontational and grounded in mutual respect. His stress level is back to mortal levels. His reality is real to people he cares about. But Cole Sear is not done yet.

***** SPOILER ALERT – IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE SIXTH SENSE, READ NO FURTHER ****

In Shyamalan’s classic finish-with-a-twist style, Cole Sear, the scared nine year old boy with his bizarre reality, masterfully convinces his psychologist that his I see dead people reality is real and convinces the psychologist that he’s dead. All along, when the psychologist thought he was helping the boy see things as they are, the boy was helping the psychologist. The little boy who saw dead people convinced the dead psychologist that his seemingly bizarre reality was real.

As Cole demonstrated, seeing things for what they are and doing something about can make a difference in someone’s life.