Shipulski On Design

When we quiet our minds, we can hear our bodies’ old stories in the form of our thoughts.

Pay attention to our bodies and we understand our minds.

Our bodies give answers before our minds know the questions.

If we don’t understand our actions, it’s because our bodies called the ball.

The physical sensations in our bodies are trailheads for self-understanding.

Our bodies’ old stories govern our future actions.

If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won’t sit on a hot stove again. That cat won’t sit on a cold stove either.  Our bodies are just like the cat.

Our mouths sing the songs but our bodies write the sheet music.

Our bodies make decisions and then our minds declare ownership.

When we’re reactive, it’s because our bodies recognize the context and trigger the old response.

When a smell triggers a strong memory, that’s our body at work.

Bessel was right. The body keeps the score.

 

Image credit — Raul AB

The time to start getting ready is before we need to be.

We don’t get ready because the problem hasn’t yet kicked us in the head.  It has only started getting ready to do so.

We don’t get ready because we don’t see the early warning signs.  Like the meteorologist who doesn’t make time to look at the radar and satellite images, if we don’t look, we can’t see.  And if we’re really busy, we don’t make time to look.  What if it was part of our job to look at the satellite images? Who in our company should have that job?

We don’t get ready because we don’t heed the early warning signs. Seeing the warning signs is much different than justifying the reallocation of resources because someone says the tea leaves suggest an impending problem.

We will solve no problem until it’s too late to do anything else.

We don’t get ready because we forget that it takes time to get ready.  We do so little getting ready, we’re unfamiliar with the work content and timeline of getting ready.  We forget that getting ready is on the critical path of problem-solving.

We don’t get ready because everyone is fully booked and we have no excess capacity to allocate to getting ready.  And by the time we free up the resources to get ready (if we can do that at all), we miss the window of opportunity to get ready.

We will solve a problem only after exhausting all other possibilities.

We don’t get ready because the problem is someone else’s.  If we don’t have capacity to get ourselves ready for our problems why would we allocate the capacity to get ready for someone else’s?

We don’t get ready because we try to give our problem to someone else.  Isn’t it easier to convince someone else to get ready than to do the getting ready ourselves?

We will solve no problem until we know we’ll get the credit.

We don’t get ready because problem avoidance won’t get us promoted, though putting out a fire that could have been avoided will.

If a problem is avoided, there is no problem. And since there’s no problem, there’s no need to avoid it.

We don’t get ready because there’s no certainty a problem will be a problem until we have it.  And we can’t get ready to solve a problem once we have it.  Getting ready requires judgment and trust – judgment by the person who sees the early warning signs and trust by the person who allocates the resources.  It’s that simple.

Because we’ve conditioned people to be afraid to use their judgment, they don’t use it.  And because we’ve conditioned people to be afraid to spend the time needed to build trust, they don’t build it.

Now that we have these two problems, how can we make it safe for people to use their judgment and spend the time needed to develop trust?

Image credit — Leonard J Matthews

As leaders of people, we have a responsibility to help people grow. One of the best ways to help them grow is to put them in a position to do so. But what does that look like?

Here’s a process and some questions to help you quantify your efforts to help people grow.

Choose one person on your team and ask yourself – over the last six months how many times you took these actions:

Ask them to work with someone who works on another team.

Create conditions for them to work with someone two levels above them in the organization.

Ask them to meet with your boss one-on-one without you.

Ask them to present their work at your weekly staff meeting.

Ask them to create the agenda for your weekly team meeting.

Ask them to learn about a new topic and present their learning to a group of their peers.

Ask them to present something to a big customer.

Ask them to do work they’d never done before.

Ask them to mentor a less experienced coworker.

Ask them to rough out their personal development plan.

Ask them to come up with a discretionary project that is important to them.

Ask them to use their judgment.

Tell them they did good work.

Tell them you liked their idea.

Give them credit in front of their peers.

Give them credit to your boss in front of their peers.

Ask them to make a decision and tell them you’d support whatever they decide.

Now you have a quantified baseline of the actions you’ve taken to help that person grow.  With that data in hand, meet with the person and share what you’ve done together over the last six months.  Then, agree on the next installment.  Choose two or three areas where you’d more action over the next six months and come up with a jointly-owned action plan to make it so.

Repeat the process for the other members of your team.

It’s powerful to show people the actions you took to help them grow.  And it’s even more powerful to work with them to co-create the go-forward action plan to help them on their journey.

This list of actions isn’t the definitive list, rather it gives you some examples to help you on your way.  Use the ones that work and leave the rest.  And come up with some better ones.  I believe in you.

Image credit — Irene Steeves

If you believe you can’t do something, you can’t.

If you try something and it doesn’t work, you might be able to pull it off next time.

If you believe you’re not good enough, you’re not.

If you try something and it doesn’t work, you’re still good enough.

If you believe someone’s opinion of you matters, it does.

If someone disparages you and you don’t believe it, they’re wrong.

If you believe you can do something, you can.

If you try something and it doesn’t work, try it again.

If you believe you’re good enough, you are.

If you try something and it doesn’t work, you have always been good enough.

If you believe someone’s opinion of you is none of your business, it isn’t.

If someone disparages you, ask them if they’re okay and ask if you can help them.

What do you believe?

What will you try next?

What will you do when someone disparages you?

Image credit — joiseyshowaa

If something’s in the way, call it by name and move it out of the way.

If that something is a technical problem, figure out what’s blocking the solution and move it out of the way.

If that something is a person, try to understand what’s motivating their blocking action.  Don’t call their behavior a “blocking action” but try to understand what’s behind their behavior.  Help them understand what they are putting in the way and why they might be behaving as they are.  And once you both understand their behavior, help them see how their behavior is negatively impacting them.  Usually, that’s enough to break the impasse.

If that something that’s in the way is you, pretend you’re someone else and do the same thing.  Have a conversation with yourself.  Ask yourself what motivates the blocking behavior and then listen.  Believe it or not, if you calm your mind and body, you will hear a reply to your question and learn what’s behind the blocking behavior. If it’s fear of failure, a quiet voice will tell you it doesn’t want to feel the emotional pain or the judgment around failure. If it’s fear of success, a different voice will tell you it doesn’t believe it’s worthy of success or doesn’t think highly enough of itself to give things a try.  If it’s fear of confrontation, a part of you will tell you it’s not confident and it doesn’t want to be judged negatively.  Next, it’s time to fight the aversion to uncomfortable thoughts and get curious.

Feel the discomfort around the fear of failure in your body.  Don’t judge it negatively, just feel it. And get curious about the reason behind the fear of failure.  If you listen, it will likely tell you the reason for the discomfort.  Ask it what it’s afraid would happen if it moved that reason out of the way. Usually, there’s a realization that nothing bad would happen if the blocking action was unblocked and it can be moved out of the way.

Whether it’s the fear of success or the fear of confrontation, the process is the same.  Feel the sensations in your body (without judging) and get curious.  Ask the voice what it’s afraid would happen if it stopped putting something in the way.  And if you can refrain from judgment, the voice will tell you what needs to be moved out of the way so progress can be made.

The process I describe above is based on Internal Family Systems (IFS).  I have found it useful to understand the rationale behind my behavior and help myself make progress.

I hope you find it useful.

Image credit — Joachim Dobler

There are many tools to improve processes.  The difficult part is not understanding the tools.  The difficult part is choosing which tool to use.  And to do that, you’ve got to understand the process as it is and let that inform which tool to use first. You’d think it an easy thing to understand an existing process that your company has been using for a long time, but it’s not.  First, it’s difficult to get the group to agree on the format to use to define the process, then it’s difficult to get agreement on the steps of the formal process, and then it’s almost impossible to characterize the if-thens of the branching process steps and the informal elements known only by the people who do the work.

Here’s a rule: If you don’t agree on the process as it is, you can’t improve it.

Here’s another rule: Process improvement is 90% definition and 10% improvement.

There are many processes to improve systems.  Understanding how to follow the processes is not the difficult part.  In my opinion, the most difficult part is choosing which process to use first. And, in my opinion, the secret to choosing the right process is to understand the system as it is. Systems can be large with many elements and can have many possible improvement trajectories.  And if people are part of the system, it’s likely a complex system that can be understood only by probing the system.  That means running small experiments in parallel and observing how the system responds.

Here’s a rule: It’s difficult to understand large systems where people and their judgment are involved.

And another rule: Probing systems like these can be an effective way to see their propensities.

Before there can be improvement, there must be a common understanding of how things are. And before that, there must be a desire to develop that common understanding.

Image credit – Andy

How do you spend your time?

How much time do you spend on things you want to do?

How much time do you spend on things you don’t want to do?

How much time do you have left to change that?

If you’re spending time on things you don’t like, maybe it’s because you don’t have any better options.  Sometimes life is like that.

But maybe there’s another reason you’re spending time on things you don’t like.

If you’re afraid to work on things you like, create the smallest possible project and try it in private.

If that doesn’t work, try a smaller project.

If you don’t know the ins and outs of the thing you like, give it a try on a small scale.  Learn through trying.

If you don’t have a lot of money to do the thing you like, define the narrowest slice and give it a go.

If you could stop on one thing so you could start another, what are those two things?  Write them down.

And start small. And start now.

Image credit — Pablo Monteagudo

What happens when you bring your whole self to work?  Are you embraced, rejected, or ignored?

If you’re not invited to meetings because you ask difficult questions, what does that say?

When you call someone on their behavior, does that get you closer to a promotion?

When you’ve done the work before but no one asks for your guidance, what does that say?

When you say the quiet part out loud, is the good for your career?

When you solve a difficult problem but the solution is rejected due to NIH, what does that say?

When you bring up the inconvenient truth when everyone else is afraid to, what do people think of you?

When you can ask anyone in the company for help and they help you, it’s because they know you helped a lot of other people over your career.

When someone gets promoted out of your team but still wants to meet regularly with you, it’s because they value you.  And they value you because you valued them.

When a senior leader is out of ideas and they come to you for help privately, it’s because you earned their trust over the years.

When someone you helped fifteen years ago tells the story publicly of how you “saved their career” it’s because you made a difference.

When you bring your whole self to work, you know some won’t like it, some won’t care, and some will love it.

And everyone will know you care enough to give it your all.

Image credit — Tambaco the Jaguar

When your friend is having a bad time of it, you don’t criticize, you empathize.

When you think of your friend, you check in.

When your friend is happy, you are happy with them.

When your friend is lonely, you don’t ignore, you are right there with them.

When your friend is struggling, you check in more frequently.

When your friend is in a rut, you jump in with them and give them what you can.

When your friend makes a mistake, you don’t judge, you seek to understand.

When your friend achieves their goal, you celebrate with them.

When your friend is angry, you ask of their heart’s best intention.

When your friend is confused, you tell them they seem confused and ask what’s going on.

When your friend judges themself, you tell them they are worthy of better treatment.

It’s easy to treat our friends well because we care about them.

May we learn to see ourselves as friends and make it easier to care for ourselves and treat ourselves well.

Image credit — Fuschia Foot

X: When will you be done with the project?

Me: This work has never been done before, so I don’t know.

 

X: But the Leadership Team just asked me when the project will be done. So, what should I say?

Me: Since nothing has changed since the last time you asked me, I still don’t know. Tell them I don’t know.

 

X: They won’t like that answer.

Me: They may not like the answer, but it’s the truth.  And I like telling the truth.

 

X: Well, what are the steps you’ll take to complete the project?

Me: All I can tell you is what we’re trying to learn right now.

 

X: So all you can tell me is the work you’re doing right now?

Me: Yes.

 

X: It seems like you don’t know what you’re doing.

Me: I know what we’re doing right now.

 

X: But you don’t know what’s next?

Me: How could I?  If this current experiment goes up in smoke, the next thing we’ll do is start a different project.  And if the experiment works, we’ll do the next right thing.

 

X: So the project could end tomorrow?

Me: That’s right.

 

X: Or it could go on for a long time?

Me: That’s right too.

 

X: Are you always like this?

Me: Yes, I am always truthful.

 

X: I don’t like your answers. Maybe we should find someone else to run the project.

Me: That’s up to you.  But if the new person tells you they know when the project will be done, they’re the wrong person to run the project.  Any date they give you will be a guess.  And I would not want to be the one to deliver a date like that to the Leadership Team.

 

X: We planned for the project to be done by the end of the year with incremental revenue starting in the first quarter of next year.

Me: Well, the project work is not bound by the revenue plan.  It’s the other way around.

 

X: So, you don’t care about the profitability of the company?

Me: Of course I care.  That’s why we chose this project – to provide novel customer value and sell more products.

 

X: So the project is intended to deliver new value to our customers?

Me: Yes, that’s how the project was justified.  We started with an important problem that, if solved, would make them more profitable.

 

X: So you’re not just playing around in the lab.

Me: No, we’re trying to solve a customer problem as fast as we can.  It only looks like we’re playing around.

 

X: If it works, would our company be more profitable?

Me: Absolutely.

 

X: Well, how can I help?

Me: Please meet with the Leadership Team and thank them for trusting us with this important project.  And tell them we’re working as fast as we can.

Image credit – Florida Fish and Wildlife

X:  Me:  format stolen from Simon Wardley (@swardley).  Thank you, Simon.

What could we change to become happier? 

Happiness comes when our reality (how things really are) compares favorably with our expectations. If happiness comes from the comparison between how things are and our expectations, wouldn’t we be happier with any outcome if we change our expectations of the outcome? But how are expectations defined? What makes an expectation an expectation?  Where do our expectations come from?

If we expect to have no control over the outcome, wouldn’t we be happier with any outcome?  Aren’t we the ones who set our expectations? And hasn’t the Universe told us multiple times we don’t have control? If so, what’s in the way of giving up our expectations of control? What’s in the way of letting go?

What could we change to become more thankful?

Thankfulness comes when our reality, what we see or recognize, compares favorably with how we think things should be. If thankfulness comes from the comparison between what is and what should be, what if we changed our shoulds?  Wouldn’t we be more thankful if we lessened our shoulds and reality compared more favorably? But how are shoulds defined?  What makes a should a should? Where do our shoulds come from?

If we can help ourselves believe we don’t have control over how things should be, wouldn’t we be more thankful for how things are? And aren’t we the setters of our shoulds? And hasn’t the Universe often told us our shoulds have no control over it? If so, what’s in the way of giving up the belief that our shoulds have control over anything? What’s in the way of letting go?

Shoulds and expectations are close cousins and both influence our happiness and ability to be thankful.

At this Thanksgiving holiday, may we be aware of our shoulds and enjoy our friends and family as they are. May we be aware of our expectations and enjoy the venue, the food, the weather, and the conversations as they are. May we suspend our natural desire to control things and be happy and thankful for things as they are.

And may we love ourselves as we are.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Mike

 

Image credit — Bennilover